Type your search keyword, and press enter

Think Happy Thoughts

A Month in the Depths of Online Dating

Oh boy, I’d heard the tales but nothing prepared me for the dire reality…

Being single with not much of a social life right now I though “hey why not” when someone suggested online dating. It may have been one of my un-sensible decisions. I am now convinced that 99% of men on there think only with their dicks, the other 1% probably do too – just hide it better.

My profile now clearly states no impertinent questions and that I will not under any circumstances friend people on FB, give them my email, or join Kik to chat to them. The image (and only image now) is me just home from the gym because I figure if they contact me after seeing that they must be a little interested. Although I’m not so sure.

My favourite messages so far –

So, let me be a bit cheeky – you’re a D cup right? 

What colour panties do you wear? 

What lingerie do you own? 

What are your nipples like?  Erm, not really been around comparing them with others to be honest.

and my personal favourite while having a conversation about a snowball fight …

Do you like being spanked? 

I now delete and/or block after realising that refusing to answer (with good humour or otherwise) either gets them asking further or getting miffed.

I’m also surprised at the ones that expect me to handover personal information without even having met them, and they have no idea why I don’t. They think I’m hiding a terrible secret or something. I barely like to handover my real name let alone the street I live in or my mobile number.

I should not be surprised by the number that want to talk sex before any other conversation. Like I said, men seem to think with their dicks.

To be fair, I did ask one guy who seemed decent what the women were like (as I obviously don’t see them). His response was “Ummm mainly just shallow and judgemental really but I don’t know if it’s because they’ve had hassle from blokes also and give the good ones a bad rep.”  Way to go fellow females.


I will persevere for now with a sense of humour and no expectations but it’s tiring. I don’t ask for much, a nice guy to go out with and spend lazy Sundays in bed with, who understands geek stuff. Seems they’re a rare species lol.

What we can’t have

Dreaming for what we can never have-Why do we hanker after what we can’t have?

“We all want things we can’t have. Being a decent human being is accepting that.”
John Fowles, The Collector

According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, levels of dopamine — the pleasure chemical in the brain — continue to rise the longer you must wait to fulfill your desire (Elite Daily).

Is it a way of our subconscious telling us we don’t want what we think we want? For instance, you’re single yet desire someone out of reach, is that a way of our minds telling us we don’t really want or need a relationship yet? To slow down? Is it forbidden fruit, as in when your parents say “don’t touch the drinks cabinet”? So you sneak a glass when they’re out for the evening (and then feel ill and have to try hide why). Or your diet plan says “don’t eat that chocolate bar” so it’s immediately all we think about, crave, desire, the feel of smooth chocolate melting on your tongue … sorry, I got a bit lost there.

Sometimes wanting something out of reach is good, it helps you rise out of your comfort zone and chase your dreams. It gives us that impetus to strive harder, be better, reach higher. My question I guess is – when do we know what we desire is good or bad for us? Where is that line drawn between wanting for the good of our soul, mind, body, and wanting because – well because we can’t have and deep inside know it will be wrong for us in the long run? How do we tell the difference?

Adventurous Jaffa Cake

The Tale of the Adventurous Jaffa Cake


Jaffa was jostled / squished in the pack / he wanted some space / not a poke in the back

He wriggled a bit / he wraggled a lot / the wrapping gave way / he was off like a shot

Rolled over the table / stopped short at the edge / bet you just thought / he would fall off the ledge

You were so mistaken

He lay there confused / his chocolate was cracking / oh how he wished / he was back in his packing

A strange smell surrounded / potent and strong / Jaffa instinctively / felt something was wrong

Five digits approached him / four fingers one thumb / they grabbed for poor Jaffa / oh what had he done

He felt himself lifted / like a leaf he was soaring / to a strange odd contraption / where liquid was pouring

The digits they held him / they pinched at his rim / then ever so slowly / they dipped Jaffa in…

…to the liquid so smelly / it caught in his throat / then Jaffa was sailing / just like a boat

But he didn’t sail long / his sponge started sponging / and ever so slowly / poor Jaffa was sinking

Down in the liquid / and Jaffa’s last thoughts / were wishing and hoping /



Can I Return to Destiny?

As someone pointed out earlier – this time last week we were partying in London. Today I was sat home, doing my accounts (yes very late I know I’ve apologised to my accountant), and recovering from a chest infection.

As we all know, what happens at a con stays at a con. Suffice to say …

THANK YOU – to Sean Harry and the three wonderfully fun actors who gave up their new year to party with us. It was my first new year single, it was the first new year in over 20 years I wasn’t home on my own with the kids, and it was a totally, epically, awesomely, fabulous new year.

MUCH LOVE _ to all my friends who made the convention such a happy place for me to be. Apologies for the meltdown at midnight, I was so overwhelmed at being out with my friends, felt so much love and warmth around me, and full of relief for the end of 2015 which was a totally rubbish year for me.

HIGHLIGHTS – so many of them, laughing with friends, eating sherbert (ahem), getting doused with whisky – again, discovering Drambuie (thanks Simon), the list could go on.

I truly love my Starfury family. I was asked recently if I could change one thing in my past what would it be … I can honestly say that high on the possibles is the wish I’d started going to conventions with you guys earlier than 2013.

So here’s to 2016 and beyond. May it be filled with laughter, dancing, JD, and jaffa cakes (though not both together please).

Goodbye and Welcome

As my friends know, 2015 was a very difficult year for me – separation, family illnesses, my depression, empty nest, culminating in being let go from my part time job two days after Christmas due to lack of available hours. Huge sigh.

Yet I am still positive and I am setting scary, big goals and dreams for 2016. I am saying “fuck the fear” I am putting myself out there to the ‘verse and saying “this is me, love me or not I will be happy within myself”.

The end of the year is a time for reflection, to check in with yourself. To see what went adrift, what were your successes, failures, changes. I am trying to look at my year as a growing phase, accepting everything that happened (good and bad) as necessary for me to get where I am today – happier and more in tune with myself – and using it as a springboard to an amazing 2016 and beyond.

Today I ponder, tomorrow I will be looking ahead, seeing what greatness I can achieve in the coming year.

So goodbye 2015, and welcome 2016.