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Think Happy Thoughts

A Little More Conversation

It’s been there, niggling at the recesses of my mind, there’s been something missing – and it’s been missing for a long time.

Conversation.

And I’m not talking small talk, and I’m not meaning discussions of various (and awesome) geeky movies/tv shows. Although the second is fun and I won’t turn it down if it’s available.

I am talking A-class, far-reaching, wandering through ideas and philosophies, exploring every aspect of whatever topic interests us kinda conversations. Ones that stretch my mind, test the limits of my imagination, explode my consciousness into sparkles of new thoughts and ways of thinking.

I’m craving this like an addict. I feel my brain is calcifying.

I want this in my partner. I want to find someone I can have no-holds-barred “plumb the depths of our being and soar through the magic of our imagination” discussions with.

I want someone I can snuggle on the sofa while we allow our thoughts to roam free.

I want to have discussions of politics and equality over dinner, and then argue the merits of Star Trek and Star Wars over dessert.

I want conversation. Please.

New Year, New You – Oh FFS

All these ‘new year, ‘new you’ posts and messages and oh ffs please for the love of Whedon stop it.

We humans do like to have our little rituals and beliefs – after all, that’s how religion started isn’t it? Something for people to believe in to explain what was unexplainable. But it is an arbitary day, today the sun rose and set just as it has for millennia before, yet we attach so much significance to it even though the first day of our yearly calendar used to be an entirely different date not so long ago.

The thing is, we can view our days in different ways (yay, I made a rhyme). This is how I am observing my diurnal rhythms.

Each morning when we wake up is a chance to be renewed, a chance to begin again, an opportunity to be the person we yearn to be in those moments of stark truthfulness in the dead of night.

Each minute of each day is a chance to start over, a chance to reset, a chance to be better than we were before.

You see we always have the capacity to start again. Whether it’s a large do-over or a miniscule one we all have that second, third, or 101010 chance to change.

So I say don’t wait for a date, do it now. Make the change, do ‘the thing’, tell someone you love them, walk away, decide to be amazing.

DO IT NOW.

2016 – did it suck or did it ?

where I need to be

This time last year I was devastated and lost and hopeful.

This time last year I was dreaming where I would be now.

This time last year I had faith.

2016 was not the year I asked for. I didn’t ask for worsening depression, for weight gain (thanks medication), for financial turmoil. I sure wasn’t looking for loneliness and loss. I wasn’t planning on shedding so many tears, on missing so many important events, on hating myself so much.

But this quote (pictured above) jumped out at me the other day. Perhaps 2016 wasn’t the year I wanted, but maybe it was the year that I needed.

The year I needed to understand myself better.

The year I needed to grow in strength.

The year I needed to learn how to ask for help.

So, while I still have a ways to walk, I now have the strength, understanding, and help to get me to where I am needed in the future. I know where I want to be this time next year (and am going to my utmost to get there) but I am also open to the universe showing me a different path if that’s where I am needed.

Much love to everyone on their path to where they are needed xoxo

A Month in the Depths of Online Dating

Oh boy, I’d heard the tales but nothing prepared me for the dire reality…

Being single with not much of a social life right now I though “hey why not” when someone suggested online dating. It may have been one of my un-sensible decisions. I am now convinced that 99% of men on there think only with their dicks, the other 1% probably do too – just hide it better.

My profile now clearly states no impertinent questions and that I will not under any circumstances friend people on FB, give them my email, or join Kik to chat to them. The image (and only image now) is me just home from the gym because I figure if they contact me after seeing that they must be a little interested. Although I’m not so sure.

My favourite messages so far –

So, let me be a bit cheeky – you’re a D cup right? 

What colour panties do you wear? 

What lingerie do you own? 

What are your nipples like?  Erm, not really been around comparing them with others to be honest.

and my personal favourite while having a conversation about a snowball fight …

Do you like being spanked? 

I now delete and/or block after realising that refusing to answer (with good humour or otherwise) either gets them asking further or getting miffed.

I’m also surprised at the ones that expect me to handover personal information without even having met them, and they have no idea why I don’t. They think I’m hiding a terrible secret or something. I barely like to handover my real name let alone the street I live in or my mobile number.

I should not be surprised by the number that want to talk sex before any other conversation. Like I said, men seem to think with their dicks.

To be fair, I did ask one guy who seemed decent what the women were like (as I obviously don’t see them). His response was “Ummm mainly just shallow and judgemental really but I don’t know if it’s because they’ve had hassle from blokes also and give the good ones a bad rep.”  Way to go fellow females.

*sigh*

I will persevere for now with a sense of humour and no expectations but it’s tiring. I don’t ask for much, a nice guy to go out with and spend lazy Sundays in bed with, who understands geek stuff. Seems they’re a rare species lol.

What we can’t have

Dreaming for what we can never have-Why do we hanker after what we can’t have?

“We all want things we can’t have. Being a decent human being is accepting that.”
John Fowles, The Collector

According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, levels of dopamine — the pleasure chemical in the brain — continue to rise the longer you must wait to fulfill your desire (Elite Daily).

Is it a way of our subconscious telling us we don’t want what we think we want? For instance, you’re single yet desire someone out of reach, is that a way of our minds telling us we don’t really want or need a relationship yet? To slow down? Is it forbidden fruit, as in when your parents say “don’t touch the drinks cabinet”? So you sneak a glass when they’re out for the evening (and then feel ill and have to try hide why). Or your diet plan says “don’t eat that chocolate bar” so it’s immediately all we think about, crave, desire, the feel of smooth chocolate melting on your tongue … sorry, I got a bit lost there.

Sometimes wanting something out of reach is good, it helps you rise out of your comfort zone and chase your dreams. It gives us that impetus to strive harder, be better, reach higher. My question I guess is – when do we know what we desire is good or bad for us? Where is that line drawn between wanting for the good of our soul, mind, body, and wanting because – well because we can’t have and deep inside know it will be wrong for us in the long run? How do we tell the difference?