Randomness

Persuaded by my daughter to get purple dye for my hair. I am actually fed up of boring brown (apologies to all brunettes) even though having purple hair involves a re-dye every 4 weeks due to my natural highlights. Debating on what to do cut-wise, I would like to grow it long(er) but it takes aaaggggeeesss.

My chubby knees are less chubby and I can fit in my gorgeous thigh-high boots. Just need an occasion to wear them, oh … only 64 days until Inva5ion.

I need to sort my diet out, I’m doing loads of exercise but very aware I am not eating as healthily as I could be. But Jaffa Cakes are so naughty and they jump into my shopping basket so often. I should be having more protein & more fibre. I have made a start by drinking more water. Slowly getting there. Slowly because I’m constantly going to the bathroom drinking all this damned water!

Being on the anti-depressants has definitely made a good difference to my mood, my outlook, my everything. Doctor said that once I feel ‘normal’ again I’ll stay on them another 3-4 months before stopping. Long process. Unfortunately I think I haven’t been ‘normal’ for so long I’ve forgotten what it feels like. Yeah, and was I ever normal LOL.

Can’t think of a title …

I want to be aware of what’s going on in the world but hell it’s difficult navigating the¬†sensationalist journalism that seems to prevail in mainstream media. Reporting on suppositions as facts, reporting half-stories that fit with an agenda rather than the truth… *sigh* Oh, and we’re coming up to an election so the politicians are mud-slinging each other in an effort to cling on to whatever power and influence they can get rather than thinking about the common good. They all have their little pet theories and the populace seems to be nothing more than their labrats. Or maybe Pavlov’s Dogs might be a better analogy? Jump for the little tidbits doggies, we’ll just laze here in our luxury lives.

It seems that politicians, media, corporations are creating ‘big bad monsters’ for us to fear when really it is them we need to be wary of. Some people are so afraid of ‘the other’ that they are willing to believe anything that feeds their fear rather than learn the truth. There is so much of this fear that breeds hatred which creates a downward spiral of intolerance and we all end up worse for it – through terrorism, surveillance – that it becomes a creeping fog blinding us to who humanity can be.

I know so many people who think like me, however it seems we are screaming into space as there are many more who are determined/scared/ignorant enough to prevent us from changing the status quo. At this stage I fear we have no future that is worth living for.

 

Found New Music

I love music, always have since I was a child. My one regret is that I cannot sing – well I can, flat and out of tune – definitely not anything you want assaulting your ears. I’ve got intentions to learn an instrument, can play the keyboards a bit and am trying to learn guitar but that’s a slow process at the moment – mainly due to my laziness. Somebody kick me please.

When I was a child it was Abba, then I graduated on to Judas Priest and Led Zeppelin followed by a brief flirtation with country music before returning to rock. Throughout all that time though my main aural pleasure has been vocals, if I don’t like the vocalist’s voice I can’t listen to the music. For instance, I can listen to anything by Robert Plant just because I love his voice.

It’s the same with the spoken word, there are certain people¬†who could read nonsense and I would lie back, close my eyes and let their voice wash over me.

I’m finding now though that I want to explore different music styles so try and listen when anyone mentions an act I’ve not heard before. I’m slowly discovering new sounds for my ears to enjoy. This is one that I think I picked up from Google+. Again, not the usual type of music I listen to, but I find it very relaxing and I love her voice.

Glad to have lost something

I stopped losing weight a couple of months ago and felt pretty disheartened as I was a regular at the gym doing hard workouts. Then a friend gave me some clothes, one item was a slinky, tight-fitting black dress (size 12) and I thought I’d try it on for a laugh. Holy crap, it almost fitted me!

It turns out that I’d forgotten that muscle weighs more than fat and I’ve been doing cardio/weight work religiously for months and my body shape had changed without me realising – I don’t have any kind of decent mirror to check. My gym instructor Pam said it looked like someone had rubbed me out down the sides.

So, I’ve just treated myself to size 12 jeans – not fitted in size 12 anything for years – and was so happy I’d kept some of my favourite size 12 skirts as I have ‘new’ things to wear. I have some nice stuff to dress up in at conventions too. Can’t wait to wear my over-the-knee boots too, yes I have lost some of the chubbiness from my knees :-)

I’ve still a way to go, toning up for instance, but at least I can see the results now. I’m even enjoying exercising, if you’d have told me that a year ago I’d have snorted with laughter. Typical bookworm me hates to exert myself.

The next treat will be a full length mirror, I may even not mind standing in front of the gym mirrors during class soon. Up until now I have made sure I’m at the back and well away from any view of myself.

Meds Update

Over a month on the Citalopram and I can definitely feel the difference. Not generally conscious of it, but every now and again I realise that I am reacting differently (better) to situations. My anxiety levels are way down, I’m not crying over stupid little things, my energy for work has improved.

I’m not noticing side effects particularly, however I do think my stamina is not what it was before – I notice it at the gym, I’m not able to push myself as much. A feeling of weakness apparently is a common side effect. Hoping that goes away. Unfortunately my sleeping isn’t improving, I’m certainly tired but can’t drop off very easily.

At the moment I am only on 10mg which is a ‘baby dose’ as my doctor says, but I don’t feel I need to increase it right now. I’m seeing the doctor again at the end of the second month so I’ll see what she says then.