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Think Happy Thoughts

I Choose …

We all have to make choices, and what we choose affects us and those around us. Years ago I made a choice and I was happy with that choice, this year I realised how my happiness had melted away and that I had to make another choice. A really difficult one. Now I am living with the consequences of that choice, and I am scared a little, yet I am also excited and feel very liberated. For the first time in over 25 years I am going to be solely responsible for myself, plus (during term time) not responsible for anyone else.

So for now I am going to be choosing me. It doesn’t really come easily to be kinda selfish like that but I think I am allowed – for a little while.

One of the things I am excited about is arranging the house how I want it. That means the front room is being used as a relax & TV room. The back room is now a dining room again and will also house all my books (yay for my library), a comfy reading chair, plus any geeky items I have for the walls and shelves. I’m planning on a breakfast bar in the kitchen too, something I have always wanted. It’s currently a work in progress, a bit each day, but I will finally be able to have people round – gaming nights anyone?

Swing, Roundabouts, Mixed Feelings

swingSo the email came yesterday, I was not chosen for the funded PhD scholarship. They were kind enough to tell me that it was a close competition and that my idea had merit so if I could self-fund they’d find me a supervisor … so any of my friends got a couple of grand lying spare :-) If I could find the money I’d work every hour to attain my dream.

Then, after the utter despair there came a small upswing – VVV rang and offered me the part-time job I’d applied for. It’s a friendly environment and the hours are flexible, which is great for me to carry on running my own business.

I’m still aiming for a PhD – this is not the end of my ambition, just a bend in the road. Meanwhile I’ll keep enjoying the swings of life.

Let Me Find Patience

I feel as though I am Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole and never reaching the bottom. Suspended, yet moving.

alice-falling-down-rabbit-hole
From the Disney movie Alice in Wonderland

Life does move on, always, at least until that last exhale when others go on without you. I am (I hope) nowhere near that last exhale but I wish that my life would resolve into something more than me still while everything rushes around me. I am waiting …

Waiting for responses to applications is bad enough; when my circumstances cannot move on without knowing those responses wears me down a little more each night so I wake with less sanity and hope for what I want (need) disappears into darkness like Dinah peering over the edge of the rabbit hole.

So I am asking for a little patience to be granted to me, or an answer. Please.

Sausage & Roast Veg Omelette Thing

Using leftovers from the BBQ we had yesterday.

  • Sliced the already cooked sausages and heated them through in the frying pan.
  • Added the roast veg I didn’t have yesterday and heated a bit more.
  • Added three eggs and stirred around til mostly cooked
  • Put leftover grated cheese on the top and put under the grill to finish cooking

BBQ Virgin No Longer

I did my first ever solo BBQ today. Sure we’ve had BBQs before but I wasn’t solely in charge of the FIRE. Oh boy,what fun it was.

Things to remember for next time …

-BBQs take aaaggeesss to get going and up to temperature so start earlier than you think.

-I’ve never used a kettle BBQ before so had to Google a few things, I now know to leave the air vents open all the time while cooking :-)

-A sausage roller thingy is a good idea but only for hot dogs, proper sausages don’t cook very well on it.

-There’s a hell of a lot of smoke.

Here’s to many more BBQs this summer and for years to come.