Type your search keyword, and press enter

Think Happy Thoughts

One step at a time

Tracey: When you can’t run, you crawl, and when you can’t crawl – when you can’t do that…

Zoë: You find someone to carry you.

I’ve been putting on the brave face, trying not to fuss (there’s people far worse off than me), and just surviving through each day … week … month. But I will say now – these last months have been hard, very hard. I’ve had really bad days that I haven’t experienced since post-natal depression years ago. There’s been days I just wanted to give up, there still are. But I am not going to. Because I may not be running but I am crawling still and I know I have friends to carry me if I need it. I may never ask but just knowing you’re all out there gives me the courage to put one arm forward and haul my ass another inch towards the life I know I am meant to have.

Right now I am physically and mentally drained but underneath the exhaustion is a happiness waiting to bubble up and consume my life. I only have to clear a few more obstacles. I know I am on the right path.


BarCamp 2015

wpid-wp-1443291739482.jpgLast year I went to my first BarCamp held at Manchester Met Uni, I enjoyed it tremendously so booked on the latest one in September 2015.

What is a BarCamp? Well my write up from last year is here if you don’t know. Mainly a way for geeks to get together and give talks about things that interest them. This year I had the crazy idea to actually put my name down to lead a discussion and I’m glad I did. It was one of the smaller rooms but I was pleased to see all the chairs were taken and the discussion (privacy in social media) kept going and went off at tangents and there were lots of different opinions and thoughts and it was FUN.

I managed a few other talks, one was from a 9 year old girl who wanted to practice for a talk she was giving at school about digital leaders, another was a teenager getting us all to change the world by being nice to each other – what an enthusiastic and articulate young lady she was – and the third was a presentation about how digital hasn’t really changed, I think the gist was that the underlying codes and principles have not changed that much it’s more the scope and effects that have changed. All interesting with plenty of participation.

It’s free and fun so I suggest you try and attend one if you can.

No More Wallowing

sharonDropped kids off at uni Saturday, had a weekend to get my head around it, now it’s time for me to look to a future that I am determined will be amazing and full of friendships, and laughter, and adventures.

It is hard, first time in over 25 years that I have lived alone. It is scary to be totally responsible financially after abdicating (stupidly) most of that for twenty years so I could bring up my wonderful children. It will involve doing things I haven’t done – out of fear or lack of confidence – so that I can achieve the life I know I deserve.

No more wallowing. No more fear. No more feeling I am not capable or worthy or whatever other excuse my silly brain tries to con me with.

I am an amazing, talented, caring woman who has everything to live for and lots to share with friends, family and the universe.

I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.

Last Supper (for a while)

Forgot to photo before I served it.

So tonight is what I regard as my last evening as a full blown, full time, mother. Tomorrow I take my youngest to uni for the first time which marks the end of an era and the start of something new and exciting for both of us. I may be trying not to cry at this point.

At the request of my daughter the last home-cooked (by mum) meal she’ll have for a while was cottage pie with Yorkshire pudding. 

From tomorrow I will be living alone for the first time in over 25 years. It’s going to be so strange having no one else to be responsible for, cook for, wash for – although I still have two very needy kittehs demanding my attention.

Cha Cha Days

I saw an image posted on Facebook the other day, it said that you’re not taking one step forward and two back – you’re doing the cha cha.

I responded “it’s hard to dance when you’re sinking”.

That’s how I feel at the moment. It seems that with all that has happened this summer, every time my world starts looking brighter something’s else happens to knock me back. Usually I can deal but right now all I feel is a resigned dread that anytime I smile some bastard sprite cackles and sends something to darken my day. No matter what I do I cannot shake the feeling.

Thank goodness for my friends and con family. I don’t know how I’d survive without you. Although I’d give anything for my Starbucks man* to find me and cuddle me right now.

*I like a man like I like my Starbucks – tall, strong, and sweet.